My hmphs

Sorry for the infrequent posts lately. I hesitate to write that because many times on the Interwebs I have unearthed the remains of ancient blogs whose last post was, “Wow, it’s been a while since I posted. I promise to do better! :)”

I think I’ve hit the proverbial slump; my stats have flatlined, and while my RSS subscribers have almost reached 50 (hey everybody, thanks for listening!), it’s still discouraging. Field of Dreams, be damned: If you write it, they will not automatically come.

Granted, I never expected to be famous or generate a lot of money (After five months of shoving ads down your throat, I almost have enough for a latte). But blogging is hard work, and if you want visitors, you have to spend as much time marketing the blog as writing for it. I’m also thinking of doing some freelance writing on the side - Did you know people pay you to write content online?

At any rate, I have found HubPages, which is another way to write content and maybe get noticed. My first HubPage is on the ever-elusive “Fifth Beatle.” That will do for now in lieu of a new music post.

I promise to be in a happier mood next time.

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Every once in a while, I come across someone who just doesn’t get the Beatles, or who doesn’t even like them.

I try to keep an open mind about this, since there are some groups that I simply don’t get, either (see my Joy Division issues).

David Bowie? Yeah, I can understand that. Bob Dylan? Sure. But The Beatles? Come on. Here are 20 reasons why there will never be anyone like the Beatles - ever:

1. During the week of April 4, 1964, The Beatles occupied the first five positions on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart (12 in the Hot 100), the top 2 positions on the albums chart, the no. 1 position in the British singles chart, the first two positions in the British albums chart and the no. 1 position in the British EP chart, - the most complete domination of the British and American charts in history. Nowadays, you’re lucky to have one top 10 album and single at the same time.
2. To date, the Beatles have sold over 1 billion records. That’s billion, with a B.
3. They have the most no. 1 albums in the British album charts (15), and 17 No. 1 hits.
4. They hold the record for the group with the longest span between no. 1 albums in the Billboard albums chart (36 years and 51 weeks, 1964 to 2001). In 2000 - 20 years after John Lennon was killed, their greatest hits compilation, 1, spent eight weeks at no. 1 and sold 13 million copies in its first month of release.
5. They boast 20 No. 1 hits in the United States, (19 No. 1 albums), with 24 consecutive Top 10 hits from 1964 to 1976 (six years after they broke up), a record for a group. They also have 12 no. 1 hits in Germany, 23 in Australia, 21 in the Netherlands, 22 in Canada, and 13 in Malaysia.
6. According to the United World Chart, the Beatles have 16 of the 100 most successful tracks of all time, and also 7 of the 100 most successful albums in history.
7. The Beatles recorded four of the Top 10 Greatest Albums of All Time, according to Rolling Stone magazine, and three of the Top Five. (I will ignore the fact that Abbey Road was only No. 14. Blasphemy.)
8. They were ground-breaking pioneers almost from the beginning, being the first group ever to employ feedback in 1964’s “I Feel Fine.” One of their first hits, “A Hard Day’s Night,” features an opening chord so revolutionary that people are still trying to figure out. 1965’s Rubber Soul saw more innovation, from the use of a sitar in “Norwegian Wood” and tape loops in “Tomorrow Never Knows.” Then there are the backwards vocals in “Rain” (a first) and a Moog synthesizer on several songs on 1969’s Abbey Road.
9. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is arguably the greatest album ever made (indeed, it topped Rolling Stone’s list). While it doesn’t have the strongest material, the album was a landmark in recording. It popularized the concept album - something that would serve as inspiration to The Who and Pink Floyd.
10. “A Day in the Life” from Sgt. Pepper may have been the crowning achievement of the group - a five and a half minute song composed of two suites - one by Lennon, one by Paul McCartney - that are totally different in sound and texture, yet complement each other perfectly. The song features two cacophonous crescendos from an orchestra, the final one climaxing in a single E major piano chord that lasts 42 seconds.
11. One may not like songs such as “Yesterday” and “Hey Jude,” but they are unrivaled in their popularity, and the melodies are unforgettable.
12. Paul McCartney actually dreamed the tune to “Yesterday.”
13. “Helter Skelter” and “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” are considered two of the first heavy metal songs.
14. They have 23 of the Top 500 songs of all time, again according to Rolling Stone - the most of any artist.
15. Their iconic No. 1 singles notwithstanding (”Love Me Do”, “From Me to You”, “She Loves You”, “I Want to Hold Your Hand”, “Can’t Buy Me Love”, “A Hard Day’s Night”, “I Feel Fine”, “Eight Days a Week”, “Ticket to Ride”, “Help!”, “Yesterday”, “Day Tripper”, “We Can Work It Out”, “Paperback Writer”, “Yellow Submarine”, “Eleanor Rigby”, “Penny Lane”, “All You Need Is Love”, “Hello, Goodbye”, “Lady Madonna”, “Hey Jude”, “Get Back”, “The Ballad of John and Yoko”, “Something”, “Come Together”, “Let It Be” and “The Long and Winding Road”), some of their best songs weren’t even on any singles or B-sides: “I Should Have Known Better,” “You Won’t See Me,” “Rain,” “For No One,” “Across the Universe,” “Two of Us,” “Dear Prudence,” and “Because” are all just album filler.
16. They revolutionized the science of recording, using multiple tracks instead of playing live. Producer George Martin used varying tape speeds to make Lennon’s voice sound high (”Tomorrow Never Knows”) and slow (”Strawberry Fields Forever”); he also brought in string musicians to accompany certain songs (”Yesterday”). In another session, McCartney utilized bass drums halfway down a corridor to achieve a staccato sound in “Mother Nature’s Son.”
17. In an age where other people wrote songs for the flavor of the day - think the Brill Building songwriters doing all the work for the Shangri-Las and the Dixie Cups - The Beatles surprised everyone by penning their own hits from the beginning. As a result, they helped usher the singer-songwriter movement that popularized the late 1960s.
18. Their ability to cross over from media and teen idols to musical innovators is one-of-a-kind. Their chart success is unparalleled; but despite their popularity, they managed to continue to improve throughout their career.
19. Their place in popular culture is unrivaled - Their movies, their appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show (in which they played to 74 million people), the “bigger than Jesus” comment, the refusal to play in concert after 1966, the Maharishi, the painstaking production work, the beginnings of the drug culture and LSD fad, “Helter Skelter” and Charles Manson, the “Paul is Dead” phenomenon, Yoko Ono, the rooftop concert, the cover of Abbey Road, the subsequent solo years, and the hit singles created from rough demos of the late Lennon.
20. Oh, yeah; they accomplished all this in seven years.

Beat that, Oasis.

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All my friends know that I’m a Beatles fanatic. Some dismiss my obsession with a wink and a smile; others probably think I need either medication or a serious reality check.

I have become a student of the Beatles discipline, a Master of Beatles Arts, not only listening to their music, but studying the group’s history, musicology and solo years. In addition to owning all their major releases and several bootlegs, I have also collected more than 20 books on the Fab Four. (I’m sure that every time I buy one, my wife wonders why I need yet another Beatles book.)

What is interesting is that for years, the greatest music group in history escaped my attention.

My first conscious memory of the group was at the age of 12, when I heard that John Lennon had been killed. Most of their more popular songs - “Yesterday,” “A Hard Day’s Night” and “Let it Be” - were as common as Christmas carols to me. I remember writing an essay around 1991 in which I noted their accomplishments and marveled at their songwriting technique.

But I still didn’t get it.

It took 1995’s “The Beatles Anthology” for me to fully recognize what I was dealing with. There on the television screen was their entire history laid out before me, complete with a whole catalogue of classics - some of which I had heard but had no idea the Beatles sang (and wrote) - “Day Tripper,” “Paperback Writer,” and “Here, There and Everywhere.” I bought their CDs, and immediately came to respect the wide musical range of Revolver and the White Album. But Abbey Road, the final album they recorded, blew them all away.

I don’t know what is most amazing about this album:

• Is it the fact that they wrote and produced it while they were all at each other’s throats, six months after the Let it Be disaster and just months before Paul McCartney announced that he was leaving the group?
• Is it the emergence of George Harrison as a songwriter, approaching his creative peak just before recording his blockbuster LP All Things Must Pass?
• Is it their continued innovation, creating what is considered the first heavy-metal song (”I Want You (She’s So Heavy)”) and being an early adopter of the Moog synthesizer?
• Or is it the marvelous medley that comprised the second half of the album?

Abbey Road is light on classics; only Harrison’s contributions (”Something” and “Here Comes the Sun”) and John Lennon’s “Come Together” are well-known outside of Beatles fandom. Interestingly, Paul McCartney has no well-known songs on this album. But he brings the group back to his roots with “Oh! Darling,” as he recreates a classic ’50s sound with passion.

One of the surprise tracks was written by none other than Ringo Starr. I remember “Octopus’ Garden” from the Hey Jude LP that my sister got for Christmas back in 1980. It’s a simple song, but with George Martin’s production and the other three accompanying him, it becomes an utterly enjoyable number. Only Ringo could pull that off.

Lennon is at his most melodic on “Because,” a song supposedly inspired by Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata.” The group recorded it in three-part harmony, overdubbed two times, which makes it sound like nine people singing. The result is ethereal, and the number of notes in each chord is too much for the human ear to handle. Instead, the voices come together as one multitracked voice, and the harmonics resonate in your brain for several minutes after the song is over.

But the medley is pure genius. Faced with snippets and fragments of songs - a chorus here, a line there - Lennon and McCartney pieced them together to create a sublime composition. We get a hint of things to come with “You Never Give Me Your Money,” a four-minute song that appears to be four songs in one.

McCartney begins the song with a slow piano-based tune (”You never give me your money…”), and then launches into his trademark Tin Pan Alley sound (”Out of college, money spent / See no future, pay no rent…”). A lead guitar changes keys several times, and suddenly McCartney is singing a straight rock song (”One sweet dream…”). He closes it with an old children’s rhyme (”1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 - All good children go to heaven…”).

Then the real medley begins. This is Lennon and McCartney’s finale, for the rest of the songs are all theirs. We get a montage of unforgettable characters - the Sun King, Mean Mr. Mustard, Polythene Pam, and a fan who comes through McCartney’s bathroom window. Each song seamlessly flows into the next.

When the medley reaches “Carry that Weight,” we hear a hint of resignation in McCartney’s voice when he sings, “Once there was a way to get back homeward.” We really are hearing the Beatles’ swan song.

A horn section reprises “You Never Give Me Your Money,” bringing the album full circle, and then the Beatles launch into one final jam, fittingly titled “The End.” Each member gets his own turn at a bow, culminating to a climax that suddenly stops, succeeded only by a simple piano chord repeated over and over. We get to hear one more unique Beatlesque chord phrase as McCartney sings, “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” A final three-part chorus of “Ah”s, followed by a guitar riff and a cymbal crash, and it’s over.

What genius. What a way to end a career. Wah. I want more.

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