My hmphs

It’s the Vatican Top 10 Albums!

Mar.06, 2010 2 Comments

(Hat tip: Susie B.) Recently the Vatican’s official newspaper, L’ Osservatore Romano, published its list of the Top 10 albums. We’re not really sure what the context here is, although the translated article does mention something about a desert island. Maybe it’s Top 10 albums you should hear to get to heaven, or Top 10 albums that don’t make fun of the Pope. It’s just, um, 10 albums that they thought they should single out for one reason or another.

The top 10 (in chronological order):

Revolver - The Beatles
If I Could Only Remember My Name – David Crosby
Dark Side of the Moon – Pink Floyd
Rumours – Fleetwood Mac
The Nightfly – Donald Fagen
Thriller – Michael Jackson
Graceland – Paul Simon
Achtung Baby – U2
(What’s the Story) Morning Glory – Oasis
Supernatural – Carlos Santana

Now, I won’t squabble over whether these are the best albums ever, though some are puzzling. The authors attempt to wax poetic on the merits of each album and hit the obvious points: Dark Side of the Moon was a masterpiece in production, Graceland introduced us to world music. But you still wonder: Why these? Why do these get the Vatican okie-dokie? Doesn’t Thriller mention the undead and paternity disputes with Billie Jean? Wouldn’t the spiritual nature of The Joshua Tree trump the egotistical, worldly Achtung, Baby? And wouldn’t any Oasis album be blacklisted because the Gallagher brothers are such asses?

It’s clear the Vatican is trying very hard to be relevant in this day and age, but I keep asking myself the same question: So what? You could almost draw these selections out of a hat. And how do musical/cultural icons landmarks like Graceland and Revolver really compare to solid 70s albums like Rumors? They could have dragged this out a bit more, choosing different categories or weaving some common thread among the choices.

Of course, they run the list of jinxing all these albums with their seal of approval; I mean, will Dark Side of the Moon ever sound the same now that we know Benedict XVI thinks it’s cool?

Does Taylor Swift Suck?

Feb.23, 2010 4 Comments

Outside of the bizarre performances (Lady Gaga! On fire!) and Auto-Tuned hip-hop madness, the next biggest story of the 2010 Grammy Awards was Taylor Swift’s awful duet with Stevie Nicks. Swift limped through Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon,” sounding mostly flat and at times completely losing the harmony line. She then relegated Nicks to backup vocals while she performed her monster hit “You Belong With Me,” sounding more like someone performing a karaoke version of the song.

I had my doubts about Taylor Swift. Any 15-year-old blonde who takes the country music charts by storm screams marketing ploy. But as I learned more about her, I became more impressed: She actually plays guitar. She writes her own songs, having first started at the age of 10. And the afore-mentioned “You Belong With Me” and its accompanying video was charming and catchy.

So there’s something there. Not much, but something.

Then I saw her perform on “Saturday Night Live” a few months ago and realized that her voice isn’t as strong as it seems on her recordings. But so what? Neither did John Lennon or George Harrison. Bob Dylan and Tom Petty are downright awful. It’s a double standard that’s always existed in popular music: Men can be ugly and have bad singing voices as long as they can write songs or play guitar (I’m looking at you, Mr. Dylan, Mr. Clapton), but the women have to be beautiful and possess a fantastic voice (Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, etc.). Taylor Swift is beautiful, but the record execs wanted a beautiful voice to match, and

After seeing her performance on the Grammy Awards, I’m convinced that what we have here is a very young, very raw, but very talented teenager who got quite a bit of help from her record company. It’s made her a lot of money, but who is the real Taylor Swift?

It’s certainly not the one that appears on her albums. I was shocked to see that Fearless took Album of the Year honors at the Grammys. Most songs on the album sounded eerily like “You Belong With Me”; Swift could have sued herself several times over. The sound, and Swift’s voice was polished – too polished, in fact, and as a result the album sounded manufactured.

I’m hoping that in a few years, Swift will ditch the Nashville producers, take her guitar and a stool into a studio, and give us an earnest, intimate portrait of her. Her songs are heartfelt, but who cares if her voice isn’t as good as Martina McBride’s, or for that matter, Stevie Nicks? Let Taylor Swift be Taylor Swift.

Tags: taylor swift

Grammy Shmammy 2010

Feb.05, 2010 4 Comments

If you missed Sunday night’s Grammy Awards, you didn’t miss much. In fact, if you saw the American Music Awards, you pretty much saw the Grammys: Another freak show from Lady Gaga, performers trying to out-shock each other with more glitz than talent, and more crap offered up by the Black Eyed Peas. By the time Jamie Foxx came out in an army uniform pretending to be an opera singer and auto-tuned his way through what he thought was a song, I realized I was witnessing the implosion of American popular music.

Where to start? I already mentioned Ms. Gaga, who seemed to catch on fire at one point, then emerged with ash all over her and played a duet with Elton John, who, for some reason, also had ash all over his face. And arms were coming out of the piano because, well, why wouldn’t they?

Pink seemed somewhat subdued, opening with a pretty little number and walking to the middle of the auditorium. But obviously that wasn’t enough – I mean, so what if the song is good and she sings okay? I know! Let’s disrobe to a body suit, shoot up to the top of the auditorium, and spin from a cable with other acrobats while dripping water all over everyone. Now that’s entertainment!

Beyonce, sadly, paled in comparison. She just marched out in formation with what looked like about 50 extras from Starship Troopers. And then she grabbed her crotch. That’s soooo Michael Jackson.

Speaking of which, there was a tribute to him. It was in 3-D. I would have liked some glasses to watch it. Instead, my daughter kept asking me why everything was so fuzzy.

Then there was the hip-hop. Whether it was a profanity-riddled performance by Lil’ Wayne and a whole cadre of rappers or the afore-mentioned Foxx and friends – I don’t know: was that even a song? – it truly showed how far music has fallen over the last 20 years. The Black Eyed Peas performed with cast-offs from a Star Wars movie with their single “Imma Be,” which features the meaningful chorus, “Imma be, imma be, imma imma imma be…Imma be be be be imma imma be.”

Whatever happened to just singing a song? Why does there now have to be some gimmick involved, where the performer must either shock you by brushing the limits of decency or puzzle you with some bizarre performance art?

Something has to happen, people. This is the best America has to offer?